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Medusa Island -
Fantasy Fiction Novel for Children
Evil scientist, Doctor X, has
found a way to turn people and animals into mythical creatures.
Already he’s transformed everyone on the little Scottish Island of
Gogha – now he plans to take over the whole world. Eleven year old
Melissa has been changed into Medusa, with wriggling snakes in her
hair. She escapes to the mainland to seek help but quickly discovers
that anyone who looks at her turns to stone. Then Simon and Ross
turn up - their sunglasses protect them from Melissa’s powers. Only
the three children can save the world. Somehow they must get to
Doctor X and put a stop to his evil scheme. But with the island
overrun by Harpies, Minotaurs, Chimeras, a Nine-Headed-Hydra and a
host of other vicious creatures this will be a very dangerous task.
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Medusa Island |
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Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a
pail of water,
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill had the video on Youtube moments
after.
The video got a million hits,
And that was really good,
But Jill's video went quite viral,
When Jack filmed her in the . . . . . .
kitchen.
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane)
There was a young lad from Dundee
There was a young lad from Dundee,
Whose bum was a twin screen TV,
From a mile and a half,
People would laugh,
For the channel control was his knee.
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane)
Never Marry an Elephant
Never Marry an Elephant,
It’s not a good idea,
I met one once at a dance,
While drinking too much beer.
Before I knew, I had proposed,
And a wedding day was set,
We weren’t married by a minister,
We were married by the Vet.
We honeymooned at Glasgow Zoo,
It was a lot of fun,
We spent our time eating penguins,
While basking in the sun.
But soon our marriage was over,
And I was free once more,
Oh never marry an elephant,
For by gosh how they SNORE!
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane)
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Shortest Poem ever written
Making a Fool Stop
.
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane 2011)
Longest Poem ever written
The Computer Programmer's Poem
Line 1: Reading poetry is a lot of fun
Line 2: Now go back to line number one
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane 2011)
Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a little lamb,
Whose quack was way too loud,
She stuffed a carrot down its snout,
Then baked it for 30 minutes at Gas Mark 7.
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane) |
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There once was a parrot named Jack
There once was a parrot named Jack,
Who suffered a coronary attack,
The man from the vet,
With little regret,
Said , “Toasted he’ll make a nice snack”.
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane) |
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MATILDA by Hilaire Belloc
(1870-1953)
WHO TOLD LIES, AND WAS BURNED TO DEATH
MATILDA told such Dreadful Lies,
It made one Gasp and Stretch one's Eyes;
Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth,
Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth,
Attempted to Believe Matilda:
The effort very nearly killed her,
And would have done so, had not She
Discovered this Infirmity.
For once, towards the Close of Day,
Matilda, growing tired of play,
And finding she was left alone,
Went tiptoe to the Telephone
And summoned the Immediate Aid
Of London's Noble Fire-Brigade.
Within an hour the Gallant Band
Were pouring in on every hand,
From Putney, Hackney Downs, and Bow.
With Courage high and Hearts a-glow,
They galloped, roaring through the Town,
'Matilda's House is Burning Down!'
Inspired by British Cheers and Loud
Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd,
They ran their ladders through a score
Of windows on the Ball Room Floor;
And took Peculiar Pains to Souse
The Pictures up and down the House,
Until Matilda's Aunt succeeded
In showing them they were not needed;
And even then she had to pay
To get the Men to go away!
It happened that a few Weeks later
Her Aunt was off to the Theatre
To see that Interesting Play
The Second Mrs. Tanqueray.
She had refused to take her Niece
To hear this Entertaining Piece:
A Deprivation Just and Wise
To Punish her for Telling Lies.
That Night a Fire did break out--
You should have heard Matilda Shout!
You should have heard her Scream and Bawl,
And throw the window up and call
To People passing in the Street--
(The rapidly increasing Heat
Encouraging her to obtain
Their confidence) -- but all in vain!
For every time she shouted 'Fire!'
They only answered 'Little Liar!'
And therefore when her Aunt returned,
Matilda, and the House, were Burned.
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Ode Tae a Bumble Bee
Wee hoverin’, fleein’ ferlie fello’,
Wi’ yer stripes o’ black and yello’,
Yer ever sae bonnie, so ye ur,
Like a spring lamb – only smaller and withoot the fur,
But see if ye ever sting me oan the bum again,
Ah’m gonnae jump on yer heid so Ah um.
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane)
Duck!!
As a lad ma mates and I,
Played chicken oan motorway lanes,
But that was dull, so now we play,
Duck wae aeroplanes.
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane)
Target Practice
Ah've jist shot my
mither,
Noo that may seem
strange,
But Ah'd jist bought a
gun,
And she wis in range.
(Copyright Stuart
Macfarlane)
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There once was a parrot
named Jack
There once was a parrot
named Jack,
Who suffered a coronary attack,
The man from the vet,
With little regret,
Said , “Toasted he’ll make a nice snack”.
(Copyright Stuart Macfarlane)
A Hippopotamusn’t by J. Patrick Lewis -
U.S. Children's Poet Laureate
A hippopotamusn’t sit
On lawn chairs, stools, and rockers.
A hippopotamusn’t yawn
Directly under tightrope walkers.
A hippopotamusn’t roll
In gutters used by bowlers.
A hippopotamusn’t fail
To floss his hippopotamolars.
The awful things a hippopotamusn’t do
Are just
As important as the lawful things
A hippopotamust.
[First appeared in A Hippopotamusn’t, Dial, 1990.
All rights belong to J. Patrick Lewis] |
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Can you write a funny
limerick? Of course you can! Take our limerick challenge and we
will publish your poem on this website.
Limerick Challenge |
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